#12: My Roommate (Part 3 of ?)

Should I just re-name this blog to "Stuff My Roommate Does That Gets Me Mad"?

Maybe.

Did you know that when you leave fruit, or other food out for a long time that it rots? Often times old, or rotting food can create bad odors, and attract bugs. Did you know this?

Oh... you did? Well... Well, did you know that if you leave a bunch of hair in the drain, it might clog it up?? That one is new, I know it! Yeah, the same goes for food, too! 

WHAT?! You knew that, too! Gosh, you're a genius! I mean, I've only met a few other people who have known these little facts! Okay, here's another one for you. This one is going to shock you. Did you know... that sleeping in the middle of the day... is extremely FUCKING ANNOYING TO YOUR ROOMMATE?!

Because it is.

This brings me to my next point.

As I mentioned in the first post of this nature, my roommate apparently... sleeps at odd hours. Once again, I would like to reiterate that this is totally her prerogative, she has the right to sleep whenever she wants, but I also have the right to fucking complain about it, because it pisses me off.

NAPPERS:

If you are a person who likes to nap, more power to you. If you are a napper who can fall asleep anywhere, anytime... even better. If you leave all the lights on because it's five in the evening and you know your roommate is coming home, you are an excellent person. 

However, when you are a napping kind of person who turns off every damn night and sighs when you make any noise, you are NOT a good napper. 

Do not ask me to be quiet in the afternoon when you nap every day. I will not do it. Do not make me feel unwelcome in the room that I also paid to live in.

And don't leave your stupid hair and food everywhere! Our room smells like shit!

I leave Thursday for break.

#11: My Roommate (Part 2 of ?)

I'm so irritated/tired right now that I'm not even going to bother with pictures and stuff. Sorry. Eventually I want to illustrate this blog myself... today is not that day.

To my point:

I hate my living situation so much. It might also help to point out that, despite my ranting and raving on this blog, in real life, I'm a huge pushover who never, ever tells people how I feel. So if I come off as a bitch, sorry. This is pretty much my anger outlet. Maybe some of the stuff I get irritable over seems silly to you, but when it all builds up into this fiery, hairy ball of insatiable rage... well... that's just how I am.

Up until this past Thursday, I thought my roommate had an 8 am (like me). Remember: WE DON'T TALK. I TRIED to ask her, however, at the beginning of the term, and she told me she had an 8 am. It became clear though, on Thursday, that despite rising at the same time as me every day (between 6:30 and 7 am), adjusting our shower times around each other, and awkwardly standing next to me in the bathroom mirror to sleepily get ready (imagine: doing this in a tiny bathroom with someone you don't know at all)... she does NOT have an 8 am. She may have an 11 am. But for some ungodly reason, she chooses to get up at the same time as me and basically be in my way all morning (and no, I am not loud getting ready. I try very hard to be quiet).

Except today! Today is Tuesday. Same schedule as Thursday. Today I come back to my room at about 11:30, expecting her to be at this (I can only assume to be) 11 am class and... she's in my room! I take a shower, and come back in, and she's napping! And yes, she got ready with me at 7 am! 

I'm so confused.

Then when I went to my 2 pm class, and I came back at about 4:45... she was there as well!

Does she have no classes on Tuesday?? NO CLASSES AT ALL? Or an 8 am today and an 11 am Thursday - which would be different than EVERY OTHER STUDENT AT THE SCHOOL? The biggest issue is that I can't ASK!!!!

And then.

I got back to my room at about 11:30 tonight. I usually stay out till about this time (or a little earlier), so I can just put my shit away, get ready for bed, and sleep. I always turn off my light and go to sleep before my roommate does - she stays up on the computer (no problem, whatever)... this is mainly because I have all 8 ams. 

Anyway tonight I just happened to have do some work when I came back at 11:30. This hardly ever happens, but it only took like half an hour, and she's always up anyway, so no big deal. 

HOWEVER THIS WAS THE ONE NIGHT... THE >>>>ONE<<<< NIGHT SHE CHOSE TO GO TO BED EARLY. So I'm walking around on eggshells trying to do my stupid bullshit because apparently she didn't get enough sleep with her nap today.

I hate the fact that I can't even BE in my own room. I live in my friend's room because it feels so awkward in mine. I hate.. all of this shit.

the end. rant over

#10: Exaggerating

EXAGGERATING. It's annoying.

I always feel like my chest is going to explode with anger when people exaggerate too much. It's like licking the surface of the sun; my brain usually boils at such an intense level that I can't concentrate for like, thirty hours. When you talk to someone and they said something like, "Oh man, I threw up for twelve hours" my heart just flies out of my chest with sympathy until I realize that they are exaggerating!

How do you deal with people who exaggerate too much? Maybe we should throw them all into a pile or rapid wolves. After all, this annoyance clearly should be punished my death. It's impossible to take anyone seriously when they are constantly making a mountain out of a molehill. 

#9: My Roommate (Pt. 1 of ?)

(Yes, I did label this "Part 1, as there are many things that have already made my angry about my roommate, and I'm sure many more to follow).

In case you were confused somehow by my "bad roommate" post... I have a bad roommate. To be more specific, our problems are mainly twofold:

1) She's from China, and I am from America.

2) She is a horrible roommate.

Allow me to elaborate.

1) She's from China, and I am from America.

BEFORE YOU GET YOUR BRITCHES ALL IN A BUNCH, let me expand on this. This is not a real "problem". This is NOT what makes me dislike her. This DOES, however, make EVERYTHING INCREDIBLY AWKWARD BETWEEN US. She barely speaks English (I mean this literally) and I, of course, don't speak any Chinese. For some reason my tiny American mind cannot fathom, she chose to spend upwards of $50k a year to come to a school where she can't understand the language, and can't even take the classes until she finishes the E.S.L. program... despite the fact that my school had a campus in Hong Kong. Go figure.

This situation is not only awkward due to the fact that we obviously have cultural differences; but mainly, it's horrible because we literally DO NOT TALK. I'm not saying we just don't hang out or are friends, I'm saying that when I come in to the room, we do not exchange greetings with each other via noises from our mouths.

Believe me, I have tried though. I try every day to make little jokes, hoping to spur some kind of conversation. I've tried to ask her questions, but it's just so painfully obvious she doesn't know what I'm saying.

HOWEVER, ALL THIS MIGHT BE TOLERABLE IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE SECOND PART.

2) She is a horrible roommate.

This is something that I can illustrate on several occasions, so right now I will only discuss this one particular incident of tonight.

I was lying outside romantically under the stars/emergency lights with some of my friends, when I got up to retrieve something from my room. 

Let me preface this by saying that I had been (MY FAULT) locked out of my room the entire afternoon, due to the fact that I left my keys in the room and then my roommate was at the library. Obviously this was my fault, but... still irritating.

Anyway, I get up to put something away, or get something or.. whatever the heck I was doing, and as I'm heading toward my room, I notice the lights are off (we have large windows that face where I was lying, so I can see into my room). I figure my roommate must be out, so I open the door and...

she's sleeping in our room.

No big deal, right?? It's her room too, of course. I quietly get my things and leave quickly. I didn't even turn on a light. I just returned to my friends.

THEN I realized that it was ten minutes to nine. Also known as 8:50 at night. Also known as my bedtime when I was seven.

DON'T GET ME WRONG. It's her right to sleep whenever she wants too. But I won't lie to you. I found it a little unreasonable that she expected me to stay out of the room (or exist in there making no noise and turning on no lights) at nine pm. (and it's not like she could communicate to me in any way that she wanted to go to bed early, wasn't feeling well, etc.) I mean, it's Sunday night, for crying out loud. I had homework. NO, I was not doing it at the time, but YES, I was going to do it. But apparently that was off the table because my roommate was SLEEPING AT NINE PM.

I went in another time, about an hour later, to put something away again--still being just as quiet, no lights, no nothing (my bed is right by the door, so I just opened and threw). Still, I was angry. I had to get my stuff and do my work in a friend's room because I didn't want to disturb her. I was TRYING to be considerate. See how nice I am?

Anyway, when I finally come back to my room at midnight...

Guess who's up, sitting in bed, on her computer (as she always is, 24/7, every fucking day)?

Yup, you got it. 

So fuck me for staying out of my room all evening so her dumb ass could sleep. Now I've got to sleep for my 8 am tomorrow morning, but I'm pretty sure she'll be up with her computer and desk lamp ALL THE GODDAMN NIGHT BECAUSE SHE SLEPT FOR LIKE FIVE HOURS.

I'm a horrible person.

You don't have to tell me this; I know.

#8: WHEN WEBSITES ARE DOWN

IT REALLY MAKES ME MAD WHEN I FINISH SOMETHING AND WANT TO POST IT ONLINE BUT THE WEBSITE IT DOWN.

MORE RATIONAL AND WITTY BLOGGING LATER.

#7: Facebook Status Trends

Ohh boy. This a big one.

I. HATE. FACEBOOK STATUS TRENDS. YES, I PUT PERIODS FOR EMPHASIS. Facebook already possesses the power to literally control our every moves (and now record those moves as well), but it seems to also possess the power to collectively lower a person's (or many people's) I.Q.

Focusing on one in particular:

The very recent, "I like it on the _____" status.

This has honestly got to be the dumbest thing I've seen in quite a while. I've heard this is for "Breast Cancer Awareness" - except that by demanding the participants of this asinine practice keep this is a secret, I can't really see how any cause is being supported... other than the awareness of silly and immature girls. Guess what, ladies? You didn't put that in your status because of breast cancer. You put it on your status because it's a sexual innuendo, and you find that funny. And, as most girls haven't (or will never) learn... things like that just make you look sexual. Not cute.

I hope I am not too out of line to suggest that a better way to spread awareness of any horrible disease such as breast cancer would be to post facts or tips to avoid the disease, or even to (gasp) volunteer your time or services to such an honorable cause.

Continuing:

The more common, "like this status and I will tell you some assorted bullshit" isn't quite as infuriating, but it is still equally as annoying. Facebook makes me want to scream, "NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR LIFE!!!!!" to 99.99% of the people on there.

And don't worry. The "liking" of Facebook items will be another post entirely. It has a special, burning hole of brimstone in my already blackened heart. <3

#6: Bikers Who Don't Know How To Bike

I live in what most would consider to be a tourist city. Although my school is the main college there; it's not a college town - but rather, the college has many, small buildings spread out throughout the city.

(this is exactly what my bike looks like)

Biking is a common mode of transportation to get from place to place. It's convenient, cheap, and fast.

BUT NOT IF YOU GET ME KILLED WITH YOUR HORRIBLE BIKING SKILLS.

Okay, I never got my driver's license. Blah, blah, laugh it up, I have my reasons. But I did some research before I got here about biking safety. I'm not saying I'm an expert, but I tried. BUT apparently no one else did.

SHIT BIKING:

- Weaving in and out of cars like a bumper car

- Experiencing apparent color blindness and going at red lights (EVEN IF NO ONE'S THERE)

- alternating between the street and the sidewalk (that's just a big WTF to me)

- Cutting off me, A FELLOW BIKER

- Riding through squares and on the sidewalk...?

- Not yielding to anything because you think, "fuck it, I'm a bike, bitch".

It's bad enough to have to worry about being flattened by a bus like I'm playing Mario Kart, but I don't need your stupid ass messing me up as well. When will people stop thinking they own everything?

#5: Sleeping In Public

God, you know, sometimes, after a long, hard day at work or school, I really just want to take a nice little nap in public... don't you?

NO. and you shouldn't. Because it's not only dangerous; IT'S FREAKING ANNOYING.

Don't nap on the train.

Don't nap in class.

Don't nap any place I'm trying to be right now. I will make no efforts to keep quiet when I find you sleeping in my dorm lounge, mailroom, classroom, or any other public facility. ESPECIALLY if you're with other people, in some sort of napping cuddle puddle. Oh my goshh, you must be so tired. You must have been working so hard, all six of you sprawled out on the couches with your eyes shut, not really sleeping but pretending too so you can look cool and exhausted. Ohh, your dorm room is practically a whole five feet away. Poor, poor, sleepy student.

#4: Bad Roommates

I HATE BAD ROOMMATES.

This doesn't just make me "mad". This doesn't just mildly annoy me. This really, really makes me want to punch a baby seal.

Having a good roommate is like making a Venn Diagram. There are two sides. On one side, you have "Good Roommate Skills", and on the other side, you have "Good Friend Skills". The middle is a tiny little section that not many people can fit in to, but some do try.

The "Good Roommate Skills" category includes things like being neat, cleaning, doing their fair share of cleaning, cooking, or buying food/drinks. It also includes being quiet, coming back at a reasonable time of night, and maybe even helping you out with something every once in awhile. A person only in this category will be included in statements like:

"She didn't want to come out with us... but at least she keeps her shit together in the room."

"Yeah, we don't really talk that much, but she lets me eat her food sometimes."

"I dunno much about him, but he cleans his hair out of the sink."

See what I mean?

Then the OTHER side, the "Good Friend Skills" side. That's the side for people with god-awful roommates... but really cool people. Sure, they haven't washed dishes all year, and yes, their laundry sure smells, but they throw a great party!

"Yeah, she hasn't showered in a few weeks, but man, did she help me out with my work the other night."

"He leaves his shit all over my room, but we played Smash for like, six hours."

"He hasn't even payed rent yet, but he did buy me beer."

Etc.

THE RARE, RARE roommate has a little (or a lot) of both of these. Perfection. I had one of these once. It was beautiful. 

UNFORTUNATELY THERE IS ALSO THE OPPOSITE VENN DIAGRAM. The Venn Diagram of shit-tastic roommates. People who are horrible to live with AND to talk too. Unsocial, messy, awkward, never-do-their-share-of-anything slobs.

AND I HATE IT.

Added note: I might actually retract my venn diagram and put in a bell curve. I think it might be more accurate.

#3: People Who Don't Know Song Lyrics

Despite the fact that we have all been guilty of doing this... it still makes me unbelievably annoyed.

Let's set the scene. You're driving in you car with your friends, and a song comes on the radio. If you're like me, you have a very wide musical taste and it might so happen to be one of your favorites. And, according to your friend in the driver's seat, it's one of their favorites, too! What luck!

Of course, you begin singing.

And within a matter of seconds, it becomes obvious that this is NOT your friend's favorite song. It can't possibly be, because they don't know the words in the slightest. Are they forgetful, or just dumb? Do they not realize that the words they're saying make absolutely no logical sense when strung together? Are they listening to themselves at all??

Here are the two versions of forgotten song lyrics:

"California Girls!

We're unforgivable!

Daisy Doop,

Bikini on top!

Sunkist skin,

so hot we'll make your popsicle!

oooOOoooh

Oh! Oooooh!!"

or

"She's got a smile... to me

reminds me... memoriessss!

where everything was as... uhhh.. blue skyyy!

now and then when I see her face...

it... uhh.. that special place...

and if I stare too long...

...

...

OOOHHHHH SWEET CHILD OF MINEEEE!"

Ugh.

#2: Singing In Public

Anyone that knows me know that, if there's one thing I really can't stand, it's group singing in public.

Don't get me wrong. There's a time and a place for organized public singing. Karaoke bars, for instance. Even a nice concert, where your horribly out-of-tune voice can be drowned out by the thousands of sweating, screaming fans. The national anthem. You get my drift. I even believe in the OCCASIONAL outburst of song. I'm not going to look down upon someone jubilantly singing after their great day.

What I'm talking about are the people (girls) who seem to function as a group, singing a song. And not just the occasional outburst. The whole thing. I don't know about you, but I've heard Katy Perry's "California Girls" enough without hearing it from your tone-deaf mouth, thanks. Add a few of your friends and it's pure torture. Oh, you're getting prepared for something? Practicing? Well, that's just dandy. I guess my eardrums will now have to practice drowning out your dead-cow voice.

Thanks Zac Efron, but High School Musical is over.

#1: Rebelling College Kids

As a new college kid myself, I should probably be more sympathetic to these fresh-faced, newly rebellious teenagers with their pockets still full of mommy and daddy's money (after all, it's only been a few weeks, it can't all have been spent on cheap beer yet). However, I went to boarding school. The conversations I keep overhearing about "just wanting" a body modification make me wince. The new tattoo, or, more often piercing may be "cute" for a freshman, but I, for one, am over it. Ohmygahh, your newly dyed hair is so cute. That nose stud?? Super original. Oh, you wanted that tattoo for forever? Of course, I believe you. That must be why it all looks so good.

(I would post real FB photos if I could. Random google images here)

Nobody cares what you do, freshmeat. Trust me, you're not being original. Take it from an expert. I've done this.

The only difference is that I did it two years earlier. I got over it. So will you.